I was sitting on a high rock overlooking our flock. The sounds of night were all around us, the crackle of the fire and the spray of ash and embers down below, when my father put a fresh branch on it; the occasional sounds of the sheep blurting out here and there. They made less and less noise as the night went on. It was so cold, I remember keeping my hands wrapped up and my head and feet wrapped. Even the heat of the fire didn’t seem to pierce through the cold of this night.

I’m sure there were many nights just like this over the years, but I don’t remember them like this particular one. But that one...oh, that one night, I’ll never forget. I was only a young boy, but even now, over 25 years later, I remember every sound, every feeling, and every sight, like it was only yesterday.

My father had asked me to climb up to the high rock and see if there were any stragglers that wandered off. Sometimes the dogs didn’t even notice although they could track them down quickly in the dark because of their smell. The younger sheep that weren’t asleep had a habit of slowly drifting away from the flock while they ate. As I strained to see as far as I could into the night, I didn’t see any of the flock missing. It was hard to count them, but it looked like they were all safe, and hovering near the ring of heat and light of the fire and my father down below me on the ground beneath the cliff.

On nights like this I loved to lie on my back and stare up into the sky. I felt like I was floating up into the stars and felt like I could reach out and touch them. I remember reaching out to point my finger at the brightest one that night, and saying to myself… its funny that I didn’t see that one when I first climbed up. But there it was, really bright, almost as bright as the moon, and it had a trail behind it like a ball of thrown string. WOW. I’d never seen one like that; lots of smaller ones that would streak cross the sky and disappear, but this one seemed to be getting bigger and bigger and its color was different…almost a glowing bright orange like the ember of a long burning fire.

I almost yelled out to my father, but then remembered him telling me not to make any loud sounds, so as not to scare the sheep. So I climbed down and ran to my father. "Father, father, look…as I pointed up. But he was already looking. We both stared at it for a long time that night, and I remember him saying to me that that star is a message from God. He said: I hope it is good news. We sure could use some, he said…with the taxes and the dry summer causing a bad crop of grass, there’s hardly enough for the sheep.

We sat down after I warmed up, and I yawned. Papa offered me a sip of his tea and thanked me for climbing up and checking on the sheep, and then he took a new wool blanket from the ones we were going to take to the market tomorrow and wrapped me in it. Keep this one he said. Mama made it to keep our son warm. Mama and her friends had just finished weaving them from rest of the summer shearling wool they had spun, and these would bring in some money so we could buy more sheep in the spring.

We used to buy and sell lots of sheep, but lately not as many people had been buying young sheep for the temple as before. I wondered why not and Papa said people are so poor these days because of the Roman taxes that they can barely save enough to buy food. I was warm and we had meat to eat, so I felt lucky. Then papa said to my uncle who also helped us: I hope we make it through this winter and don’t lose too many sheep. There’s so little grass this year... I wondered; would I be a shepherd like my father when I became a man? Would the Romans ever leave us alone? Would I have to give them half my sheep every year too? Why don’t they just leave us alone!

But oh that night!!! I watched that bright star for the longest time with Papa and uncle Shem. It seemed like it was pointing a long finger right at us and I didn’t know whether to be scared or excited. I certainly don’t remember the cold after that. I remember rolling up in my new blanket close to the fire and closing my eyes for only a moment, but I probably slept for a while. I felt safe with Papa so near. Then the noise!!! I tried to jump up, forgetting my blanket and fell over. I lay there for a moment looking up and the sky was as bright as day. Had I slept all night? I looked around…Where was Papa and uncle? Had something happened, had they gone off to look for lost sheep? Then I saw them…looking up to the low cliff where I stood only a few hours ago. I unwrapped and ran to them.

My father held me tight to his chest as we looked up to the cliff. That music! The harps, those sweet singing voices prettier than any I had ever heard! Those powerful horns! Those men with glowing white robes! I could barely see their shining faces and golden hair, but their voices were clear and like music…yet I couldn’t see their mouths moving! How were they talking yet not moving?

Today a child is born! They said. Come let us adore Him! They said. I was so scared that I buried my face in my father’s cloak, but then…I’ll always remember the sound of their voices as they said: "Do not be afraid, for today a Child, a son of David, is born in Bethlehem and they shall call him Emmanuel". Their voices felt like warm hands wrapping me up and warming me and comforting me. I looked up again at them and they were pointing to the south down toward Bethlehem. And the star, that star that was pointing at us had grown as large as the sun and shone like a beam from the golden haired men’s hands toward Bethlehem.

Papa said, "We must go and see this child". Then as suddenly as they came, the golden haired men in white robes as bright as the sun became like the million stars of night and disappeared from our sight. We knew we had to go right away, and we didn’t even look after our sheep. All during all this noise and light and music and singing all around us, the sheep had all gone to sleep and were very calm and still.

I remember running down from the hills with father and uncle as fast as we could toward the town. We didn’t know where but we kept following that beam of light on our way to a small stable! A stable? It was behind the Inn and partly carved out of rock. This is where we were to go? Where animals sleep and eat? 

Papa was ahead of me and I saw him fall to his knees. Papa are you all right I asked? Then I saw his face...it shone with a smile I had rarely seen in his eyes. Look he said. Look! There is the Child, the Son of David, the King of kings, the Messiah, the Son of God, the Christ! In our eyes just as the angels told us. And we are here to see it. I remember kneeling beside father and watching him in his happiness; and I was happy too, although at that time I didn’t know what he meant.

The baby’s father was nearby supporting his wife as she rested, and both of them looked upon the child wrapped and laying in the manger. And it seemed like the sheep, donkey and oxen in the stable all were looking at the baby and were all very quiet and peaceful. There was that same glow I had seen earlier that night coming from the gleaming men on the cliff, all around the stable and coming from the manger. I remember just wanting to stay near and not wanting to leave. I no longer felt that pain in my leg from when I fell on the rocks a couple years before. Come to think of it I didn’t feel the pain when I ran after my father from the hills into town either!

We watched and were warmed the same way at the stable on that cold night as we were by those shining golden haired men who had appeared to us in the fields. We were warmed all through and feeling a sense of peace I had never felt before. We could see the steam from the donkey’s nostrils near the manger where the baby was placed. It was a cold night, but we didn’t feel it at all. Just then my father got up and offered his cloak to the mother to cover the child.

She slowly looked up, smiled softly and said "thank you for caring for my child", then the baby’s father put his hand on my father’s shoulder and said something to Papa which I could not hear. After that the mother covered herself and the baby against the cold of that night with Papa’s cloak.

We stayed there for a long time that night, and I stayed behind as Papa went to get Mama so she could also see. When she came she hugged me and brought me closer to the baby and his mother. Both mothers smiled at each other and looked at the child. It was like they knew something we were yet to know. The baby’s mother ran her fingers through my hair and patted my head. My head wrap and scarf had fallen off, and I hadn’t even noticed.

So many details of that night long ago are racing through my mind tonight. Memories so fresh. Like it just happened! But it’s now years later and a lifetime ago. I lay back and looked at the stars as I always did, I think every night of my life. Its another clear night just like that one so long ago in Bethlehem. And its cold. So very cold.

I moved to Capernaum to try to make a living as a fisherman after my father and mother and uncle died many years ago, yet I have followed this man up into the hills toward Jerusalem. I’ve been following this man they call Jesus for weeks now, and I don’t know why. I know almost nothing about who he is or where he’s from. He’s a carpenter from Nazareth, a Galilean. But so much more: a teacher, a prophet, and yet even more….

He came to town a year or so ago and a number of my acquaintances followed Him right away. He called them by name and they left everything that day!! I wanted to follow, but I stayed behind to earn enough money fishing to pay off some debts. I had slipped back into my daily routine and was doing quite well… Then He came into our region again. This time I just couldn’t stay away.

I just thought I’d go to hear him for an afternoon, but I had no idea. He cured the sick and lame, he gave sight to the blind, he told us things our hearts lept to hear. What he said was wonderful, what he said was powerful, it was life changing, and it just carried me. I just had to hear more. I can’t seem to get enough, and I want to follow Him no matter what. Where is it taking me? Where is He going? Why am I following? What do I want from Him?

I’ve followed him and his closest friends with a large crowd for some time now. I’ve gotten to know a number of men just like myself, there are about 70 of us; and we’ve gotten by, by sharing our food and money throughout the fall. But winter is coming again. The nights are so cold. Luckily I have a really nice wool blanket my mother made for me when I was a boy.

Today he said that unless we become like children we can not enter the kingdom of God. What he says is so perfect, so right, but can I become as innocent as a child. I’m a shepherd’s son who sold off his family’s flock to buy a boat and become a fisherman. I’ve sinned, spent money and time with evil people and been unfaithful to my faith and my family. What do I think he can do for me? Can I change my life like he says I must? Yet what I hear and see in how he acts, is that God is here for sinners like me. That’s why I keep coming back every day and following him. Maybe I can change.

It’s a very dark cold night and we’re running short of dried fish and bread. We split up all our food again and find that we’re ok for a few more days, that is, if we make it through the cold nights. We’re in a barren area and there’s not much wood to fuel our fire for heat. Yet there’s part of me that says, trust in him.

It’s so cold. I need to walk. My leg is so sore and stiff for all these years, unless I move it around I won’t be able to in the morning. I am restless. My mind is muddled. Why am I here?

It’s a dark night like when I was a shepherd with my father, with millions of stars piercing the dark canopy of night. Maybe I’ll walk a bit toward the others’ fire. As I draw closer I see that there’s small group around a small fire, a fire which is not nearly big enough to warm them, and I see them all huddled together shaking. Here I am walking off my cold and stiffness with a warm blanket. An older mother looks up at me as she holds some children close to share warmth, yet she smiles and greets me, and asks me to join them and talk of Jesus. What am I thinking? I am a grown man. I can survive the night with my thinner blanket and head wrap and scarf. Without hesitation I say: here, take my blanket… as I offer it to the woman. I have enough to keep myself warm I say. She smiles softly at me and nods like she knows…

I’ve seen the look in those eyes somewhere before but I don’t remember where or when. Then she says: "Thank you for caring for my child".

I fall back… Those words break open my blinded heart and like a flood, my tears begin to fall as I nod to her and turn to walk away. Oh my God!! That’s it! My father had done the same thing all those years ago by giving his cloak to the woman in the stable. He did it for that little baby in the manger on that night I had tried so hard to forget That night that confused me for so many years and kept coming back to me in my dreams. . And those are the same words that baby’s mother said.

My father had given his cloak out of care for a child, without regard to his warmth, yet without it he never felt cold that night! I always wondered why he did that. Now I knew. He showed me that to give what little we have is what we are all called to do. To see those who are suffering and care for them is what we are all responsible for. To give without expecting anything in return is true charity and love of your neighbor like Jesus has taught.

That warmth I had felt as a young boy, is going through me again, like that night in the field when the music and the words and the light shown from the gold haired men with gleaming white robes. It all came back to me at that point. And as I walk on, I can’t even feel the pain in my leg any longer for the first time in years.

The entire memory of that holy night so many years ago is rushing back, and the words that that little baby’s mother had said to my father on that night: "Thank you for caring for my child" she said. Now it has all come together for me! That was the mother of this man Jesus I am following who said that! I heard that he was born in Bethlehem, and I remember now that I was actually there at the stable to see him as a baby! He is the man I now follow! I have never been able to leave that memory of the stable and the baby behind me totally, and now I know why. I have found him and he has found me by my listening to his words and by hearing the words that his mother said to me.

I know who he is now! I know who this woman is! This is the mother of the One. The mother of this man I follow. Just as those gleaming men with golden hair called him: the Messiah, the son of David, the Son of God, the King of kings, the Christ, the Savior of the world!

I know my mission now. I will care for others to my full ability, and I will follow him all the days of my life.